It has been my experience in counseling couples that the problems they incur are less about in-laws, money, or sex and more about poor communication and the expectations they expect of the other person. When couples come in for therapy I hear a lot of “I do not understand why she does not do things like I do, my way is the right way”. “ Why can’t he know what my needs are without me having to tell him all the time?” Oh, if people would only do what we want them too then everyone would be happy, right?
When we enter a relationship with someone do we think about the expectations they have? Are we a successful communicator? Instead we often think about what we want out of the relationship instead of what can we give and yes we often feel the other person should be able to read our minds and understand our body language.
When we first meet someone we want them to like us and we do not always present our “Real Self”. This is very common in the first few weeks of dating and we often idealize the relationship and want it to continue ( The Honeymoon Phase). Honesty is always best. Communicate, communicate, and communicate some more. If you find yourself wanting a deeper relationship with this person, ask important questions about what they want in life. Do their goals match yours? Careers, children, where you want to live. The list is endless. You will not be in agreement with everything but you need to be in the same ball park.
Having a successful relationship with someone is a challenge and an exciting journey through life. Remember we put effort into things we care about, why not make your relationship the number one priority and see what happens. More articles on relationships to come so keep looking.
