There’s no right or wrong way to grieve and there’s no way of telling how long it may take, but understanding more about the process may help you come to terms with your loss.
Healthy grieving can be a long, slow and difficult process that may last months or even years. Although you may gradually be able to refocus your life, you will most likely never “get over it” or stop thinking about the person who you lost.
Initially, you may feel shock and numbness as the reality of your loss sinks in. Yet also during that time you may seem to feel like you are handling things pretty well and may be quite competent in managing day-to-day events. As time goes on though, feelings of sadness, distress, anger and guilt may appear or become more prominent.
If you begin to feel stuck and months and months go by with no improvement, however slow and painful, it could be a sign of complicated bereavement or grief. Complicated bereavement is not a mental illness; it’s simply a term mental health professional use when grieving has proven extremely difficult and the bereaved person could benefit from professional attention.
Signs of complicated bereavement or complicated grief include: an inability to accept that death has occurred; frequent nightmares and intrusive memories; withdrawal from social contact; and a constant yearning for the deceased. Complicated bereavement is more common following a suicide or traumatic death of a loved one.
For many of the bereaved, recognizing and expressing the strong emotions associated with grief is an integral part of the healing process. To that end, talking to friends, writing about your emotions or joining a support group may be helpful.
Understand that grief can be both physical as well as emotional. Following a death, you may lose your appetite, have trouble sleeping, experience headaches, fatigue, or muscle tension. Again, all very normal reactions, but symptoms you shouldn’t necessarily ignore.
